i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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