So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
