Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
