Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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