she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
