u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
