i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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