Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
