What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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