I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
