It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
