ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You ruined the universe
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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