____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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