The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
