$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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