A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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