She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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