Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
