If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
