Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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