his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Girls should come with a carfax report
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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