if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
