If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
