At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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