like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
