just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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