Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
