My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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