how can u be prego again
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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