Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize