The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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