She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
