I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
