You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
