HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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