Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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