I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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