True but thats because hes a fetus.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
