WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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