WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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