Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
