She said her name was "party"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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