my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
