Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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