True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
