her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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