can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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