he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
