you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
