i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
