Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
