im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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