remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
