We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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