I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
