My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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