Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
