you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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