Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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