do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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