I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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