Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
