I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
