you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
