Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
