he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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