Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize