I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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