LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
