dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
