Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
