He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
