ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
