She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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