She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize