hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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