My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
