Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
